A Little Stay At Home Humor

Would we do it all again, to save lives? YES!

Sent to someone via email, and honestly, it is pretty funny…

I hope they give us two weeks notice before sending us back out into the real world. I think we’ll all need the time to become ourselves again. And by “ourselves” I mean lose 10 pounds, cut and color our hair, and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m.

New monthly budget: Gas $0, Entertainment $0, Clothes $0, Groceries $2,799

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.

Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now. We don’t have nails to fill and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not having to get dressed up every day. I have been training for this moment my entire life!

When this quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.

I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: “Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale.”

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late to anything in over 6 weeks.

It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a vineyard to homeschool one.

I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead, we got working from home and toilet paper shortages.
Worst. Apocalypse. Ever.

You know those car commercials where there’s only vehicle on the road? – doesn’t seem so unrealistic these days …

They can open things up this month; I’m staying in until July, to see what happens to you all first.

Day 37: The garbage man placed an AA flyer on my recycling bin.

The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things:

  1. How dense the population is.
  2. How dense the population is.

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening, so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

People keep asking: “Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?” Listen y’all, the churches and casinos are closed. When Heaven and Hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious.

Never in a million years, could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

Homeschool Day 1: I’m trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.

Okay, the schools are closed. So do we drop the kids off at the teacher’s house or what?

For the second part of this quarantine, do we have to stay with the same family, or will they relocate us? Asking for a friend…

Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We wander around the house looking for food. We get told “No”, if we get too close to strangers, and we get really excited about going for walks and car rides.

The dumbest thing I’ve ever bought was a 2020 planner …

Author unknown, but please ID self! This is hilarious!
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